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Have I built up these walls so high

That no one sees what's underneath?

Eyes brimming with tears

Continue to go unnoticed

In some ways it's easier

Avoiding a breakdown

But how does no one notice?

Is that glimmer of hope

Still shimmering in my eyes?

Perhaps I really can act

Everything could be okay

If no one asks me

Then no one will ever know

There are so many layers

Covering everything I'm hiding

But I can only stand strong for so long

I’m coming closer to collapse

It's more than I can take

Optimism can only take me so far

Perhaps this is the end

Maybe the world's cruelty

Has finally won.

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Clearly there is something not right.

Something is missing,

Otherwise, wouldn't I be enough?

Why would you be seeking someone else?

Lying?

Hiding things behind my back?

What other lame excuses have I fallen for?

What else am I missing?

This has been way to easy-

And now I am questioning everything.

I no longer trust anything you do or say.

I can't even say with certainty 

If I am still in love.

I want to be.

But if this has all been a lie...

Where does that leave me?

So There's This Boy...

“So, there’s this boy and he kinda has my heart”

My myspace headline reads.

‘So who’s the boy?’ they all ask.

‘Not you,’ I wish to reply,

‘Why is it you need to know?’

Everyone is asking, unless they think they know,

Then they just sit and smile in smugness,

With a false name resting on their tongues.

Everyone except the boy.

He never asks, never so much as hints.

Does he know?  I think he wishes,

But doesn’t much dare to dream,

That I could be his and he could be mine.

It’s not that I don’t love him,

For nothing could be farther from the truth.

I just know neither of us is quite ready,

And I can’t bear to break his heart.

But for now, everything is safe though slow, and

Since no one knows, there are no rumors spreading ‘round

About the boy who holds my heart

The one who warms my smile.

Give it time and soon the headline may transform;

So, there’s this boy and he finally has my heart.

A New Challenge

My boyfriend has challenged me to write a page a day for a year so that in the end I will have my first novel.  I have no idea where this story is going, but I have just completed page 2 of it.  I'm hoping I can make this goal.  We shall see.

Patiently Impatient

I feel completely suffocated

As though nothing I do is right.

Is it not enough to let me live?

I will never be who I used to be

People grow, people change

This is how it’s supposed to be.

Can you not accept the way things are?

Is it really that difficult to let go?

I have to explore my options.

I desperately want to be more.

I’m heading in this direction.

Nothing you say will make me turn around.

I can’t tell you everything.

And when I do tell you,

It’s apparent you don’t listen or care.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder

Why I have ever bothered.

You’re controlling, rarely caring.

I’m reaching out for a new life,

Jumping in with both feet.

I want new experiences.

To go through this journey. 

I want to finally be me...

"Calendar Company"

At this point, I'm pretty sure no one but myself is aware that this blog exists.  But just in case, here is some nice advertising for my boyfriend and good friends' production company, Out of the Void.  They just posted their first sketch "Calendar Company" and we are excited for it and the future projects they're currently working on.  Facebook likes, Youtube comments, and blog reads would be much appreciated.  Thanks!

The Girl Within

Every morning I put on that brave face.
No one sees the tears 
Hidden barely beneath the surface.
It takes almost nothing for my lips to quiver
And for the cascade of tears to flow,
And still, the world is oblivious.
I used to pray for invisibility.
It seems I did one thing right
No one takes notice...
As my entire universe crumbles around me
No one is aware...
How much longer can I play this part?
Can I make this charade last any longer?
Will I finally let the world see 
The terrified girl within?